still a hold upon us

I remember the ultrasound when I found out my youngest child was a boy. Mixed in with the joy of seeing his tiny feet, the quick birdlike heartbeat, the tender curve of skull and comically unmistakable flagpole, was worry. Worry that I wouldn’t know what to do with a boy, how to connect with him. [...]

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dread crew meme: stories that stick

I couldn’t resist playing along, partly because I desperately want to win a signed copy of The Dread Crew: Pirates of the Backwoods and partly because I just can’t refuse any sort of forum for blathering on about my favorite literary whatnots. So, without further ado:
1. I’m going on an epic journey. I’ll choose D’Artagnan [...]

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breathe upon the changing dust

The last few weeks I’ve been doing a pretty decent job of pretending my world isn’t about to become unglued. I’ve been patient and loving with the kids, focused on getting work done, trying really hard not to snap at my husband, to stay upbeat and positive and encouraging to those around me (and let’s [...]

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the last dream of my soul

Most of the time you’re a good sleeper, curled around your stuffed dog, your hair damp with dreams and your cheek pressed against pillow, a Boticellian vision of rosy, rounded innocence. Some nights you call out for me, and when I arrive you’re sitting up, tangled in blankets and whimpering confusedly, lost in the unfamiliar [...]

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my secret heart

Last night, Shriekeur, in all his 3-year-old glory, was up every two minutes needing something. You know the drill: water, tissues, potty, nightlight, blanket, and so on. Quiet but insistent calls of “Mom? Mooooooooom” wafted into the living room just frequently enough to ensure I never quite sat down, despite my intention to watch House [...]

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the best of times

Driving around with my daughter at sunset, windows rolled down, stereo cranked up, singing at the top of our lungs to Paul Simon’s “Late In The Evening” and laughing like loons. Oh my god, what a blessed and pure DAMN-I-love-my-kid moment. So needed that.

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groping darkly through the past

Yesterday I spent the better part of ten minutes panicking that the ignition in my car was busted. With the key stuck inside. It had been acting funny lately, sometimes a little sticky to start, so when the key got really stuck I assumed it’s life was over and I’d have to spend hundreds of [...]

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in great aims and in small

I totally botched the school drop off today. I took an extra two minutes to finish my coffee, then proceeded to get stuck behind a lumbering garbage truck for an equal two minutes. So far, ok. But then I hit a couple of poorly-timed lights, one of which completely flummoxed a driver trying to make [...]

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hushed and silent

Cleaning out the attic today, I found myself going through boxes of old baby clothes and baby toys. I don’t really know what I’m hanging onto it all for, as we’re really not having another child (though Monsieur Shriek is as hopelessly conflicted about it as I) and while some of it can be given [...]

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time and tide

I kiss my daughter and watch her run up the school steps, then turn and gaze out across the water, caught momentarily between the world that once was and the world that is. A white sun boring a hole low through the spotless blue dome, throwing light and shadow on the city so that it [...]

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